It was just over three years ago that I started coughing up blood. It was one of the scariest experiences in my life.
I’d been bedridden for weeks, misdiagnosed by a negligent doctor as having “Mono.” My opulent wedding was only three short months away and I remember looking at my terrified fiancé, trying to muster the words to tell her that “I think my lungs are bleeding.”
She rushed me to the ER where eventually doctors told me I would have been dead in another few days had I not checked myself in.
Over the course of the next year, my wedding would come to pass, and from my honeymoon, I had to be rushed back to the ER. Again…
The first time my lungs began to swell, I thought it was a fluke, a mistake, some act of cosmic entropy that would simply course-correct on its own, but I was soon beginning to realize that this was the shape of things to come. I was dying.
The last time I saw her was in the court room for our divorce trial not even a full year after our wedding. But I don’t blame her. We got married for all the wrong reasons. It was a real showcase of vanity to the highest degree - me as her Ken doll and her as the ultimate Barbie.
At the time, I’d moved past acting and modeling, feeling like I’d “aged-out” as I invested every fiber of my being into screenwriting.
And I was ambitious.
I’d managed to personally pitch one script to Hugh Jackman, and another to Quentin Tarantino, who apparently read it and “was interested.”
I truly believed it was only a matter of time before the Gates of Hollywood would open up to yours truly. But as the Angel of Death drew near, my red carpet fantasy slowly began to feel as far from reality as a hawk from the moon.
I moved back to my mom’s house and accepted the only fate that seemed to be in store for me - The Big Sleep. I’d seen visions of my death and was convinced I only had a few short years left. Might as well throw in the towel and resign to living under the care of family, right?
That’s when I saw her. The Goddess. She knows who she is, although I’m not convinced it was actually her, but a Spiritual Avatar who took her image.
I was lying in bed with a critical case of Sarcoidosis. I couldn’t even go to the hospital, because this was the beginning of the covid outbreak and the doctors assured me that if I caught it, I would die. Seems to be a recurring theme.
This Goddess told me that my destiny was not to die, but to continue my journey as a Spiritual Healer, and to help those in need. “But how?” I asked her. I couldn’t even take a deep breath at the time, let alone stand up.
She would go on to tell me more. That there are others waiting for me and that I’m part of a Cosmic Collective, something of an inter-dimensional coven of Healers, Mystics and Prophets known as “The Children of the Stars.” It sounded like a cult to me.
This might also be a good time to mention that I was on an extremely high-dosage of corticosteroids, which just so happens to have the extreme side-effects of medically induced psychosis. But hey, I used to rave in the ‘90s so YOLO.
All jokes aside, the message changed my life. I got out of bed the next day and transferred my fledgling in-person Tarot and Life Coaching business into an online format and set my sights on the City of Angels to become a Spiritual Leader on the only stage I’ve ever longed to be on - The World Stage. (I blame my Leo Sun and my Leo North Node.)
In the past year, I’ve now met many of you who I have been guided toward. Sometimes my story has been received with open arms and genuine interest and other times, I seem like a wild lunatic who has had too many shots of espresso and is trying to create profound cosmic alliances with people I barely even know. You could say I’m either exalted or in my detriment around certain individuals. In other words, if I seem extreme, it’s just a result of severe trauma, psychic visions, and a splash of neurological damage.
As I return to my own internal light and the power of the Divine, I stand in strength and humility. Strength in that I know my life’s purpose - to help and heal others on their cosmic journey of tragedy and ecstasy. Humility in that I know each day could be my last, and that each breath I take is a gift from On High. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, and for that I ask forgiveness. But my heart is pure and my light shines for all those who have eyes to see. I’m here for you now as I will be until the end of time.
True Love Never Dies.