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My Own Death

Everyone: “You don’t look like you’re dying.”

Me: “Thanks. I get that a lot.”

After five weeks in LA, I had to return to San Francisco for my Infusion treatment. It’s basically Chemo, only instead of having to do it everyday, I only have to do it every six weeks. Thank god for that. I had an ex-girlfriend die of cancer, and I took her to nearly all of her chemo appointments. It was unbelievably painful to watch, to say the least.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with an extremely rare auto-immune disease called Sarcoidosis. It’s an inflammatory condition that in severe cases like mine, causes organ failure. For me, those organs are my lungs and kidneys.

I found this out the hard way, when my breathing felt like it was coming to an end and I had to be rushed to the emergency room. For weeks the doctors didn’t even know what to make of the misty, cobweb-like layer of granulomas covering my lungs. Not to mention the excessive swelling and scaring across my kidneys, which signified Stage Four Kidney Disease.

It took a top team of Pulmonologists, Rheumatologists, and Nephrologists at one the most prestigious medical institutions in the country - UCSF - to crack the code on what the hell was the happening to me.

And so began the last three years of my medical battle that symbolically killed the old me and gave rise to the man you see before you today.

Somehow I believed that if I left San Francisco, moved to LA, and built my Temple, that I would miraculously heal. Maybe the Spirit of Death wouldn't find me here, as though my loft would be some big Bagua Mirror, warding off all evil spirits.

I even got into an argument with my doctors last Monday, before I came back to San Francisco about wanting to stop my infusion treatment. I told them I didn’t need it anymore and that I’ve been healing myself through my work in the Mind, Body and Spirit. Real Magick.

Needless to say, they were not impressed, and they even doubled down, telling me these treatments are keeping me alive and that I will most likely have to do them for the rest of my short life.

Ultimately, my health can be gauged by my bloodwork, which I get during each infusion treatment. Ending in a stalemate, my doctors basically said “if your levels are better on Friday, we’ll go from there.”

My levels were not better on Friday. In fact, they were a little bit worse than before I moved to LA.

Okay, so I can’t outrun my condition. Message received. And it’s too early to stop my infusion treatment.

But I have powerful friends. All of you. And I myself am a pretty Powerful Force of Nature. I’m setting new intentions and redirecting my focus. I’m making a series of guided meditations based on my own experience and my own teachings.


And I will share my journey with all of you. I will be posting more about this soon. Until then, your fortune awaits! Ask me anything.

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